Jonathan Kaplan

Unfortunately the dodos weren't popular enough on earth to have a full pigeon run like Rock Pigeons or Mourning Doves, or have a dramatic 20th century #Chest...

Merry Dinosaur Christmas and Dinosaur Hanukkah, or whatever Dinosaur holidays you celebrate with your dinosaur families.Lot of controversy about whether Tyra...

Today we are grading the almost completely #indestructible Tardigrade!The one thing they can't survive is the human digestive system, so in order to kill the...

Today we're grading the mystical magical hawthorn tree!I'm psyched to feature the the excellent @philipjlandarch - a Certified Tree Expert Genius who you sho...

Today we're grading the Tick!Ticks have been around since the cretaceous period, so dinosaurs had to deal with them, unfortunately. And ticks were able to s...

Today we are grading the Blue Footed Booby, a gannet style Galapagos sea bird known worldwide for being named after a human female secondary sexual character...

Today we are grading the #unstoppable Turkey! 🦃 Did you know that turkey nose ball sack membrane (AKA snood) believe it or not gets ERECT when a turkey is t...

Some people are pissed about reintroducing Darling 58 into the wild because it's considered 'fucking with nature'. But weren't we already doing that by bring...

Giant Toad's poison is deadly to humans at all stages of its life: from eggs to little ass taddypoles to fully grown fat bastards. . . . . #gianttoad #caneto...

Besides being the original Mermaid, Dugongs are also strictly 100% plant based vegan vegetarian herbivores. 🧜‍♀️ 🧜‍♀️ 🧜‍♀️ 🧜‍♀️ #manatee #manatees #nature #o...

Probably the worst day in history was when dinosaurs got murked by an asteroid. Then birds got evolved and tried to claim they were the real dinosaurs the wh...

Today we are grading the Sperm Whale, an animal so easy to grade, I just read the episode verbatim out of wikipedia! For instance: 🐋 Before the fossil fuel e...

It turns out Hawksbill Turtles DO go to the same beach every time, but have no set breeding season. I'm probably gonna tell all the Hawksbill Turtles to stop...

Ground up Pangolin scales are believed to have many powers including: making you have a thicker, longer and harder dick, making your girlfriend stop nagging ...

Today we are grading the Amazon's greatest fossil fish, the Arapaima, AKA PiracuruAnimals peaked twice in history. The late Cretaceous and the Eocene. Shout ...

Today we're grading the Hickory Tiger Moth, AKA Hickory Tussock Moth, AKA White Caterpillar. 🦋 I should change their grade out of gratitude that ALL Butterfl...

Today we are grading the truly gargantuan Moose. And while society makes them out to be big fuzzy Canadian pals, Moose are second only to the Hippopotamus fo...

Today we're grading the Ginkgo Biloba AKA Maidenhair Tree. A Living Fossil, Homeopathic Legend, and one of the greatest trees of all time. #ginkgo #ginkgobil...

Today we're grading the ultimate branch-core warrior, the Banyan Tree. 🌱 Even though Banyans dedicate their lives to fucking over other trees, all sorts of m...

Today we're grading the Coast Redwood, one of the most grown ass trees the world has ever known. 🌲 Besides humans, the Coast Redwood's only other predator is...

Today we're grading the Asian Giant Hornet. They're big, they can fly 25 miles an hour. Otherwise they live a basic bug life, killing bees, mantises, other h...

Today we're grading the Goliath Birdeater! Largest Tarantula of all time and lifetime Goth animal hall of famer alongside Black Cat, Vampire Bat and Raven! 🕷...

It's very frustrating to see an 'animal' like this. An animal with an apostrophe in its official name, by far the least of its stupid features. 🌊 Each of the...

Today we're grading the Wobbegong, the 'blazed out of it's mind listening to a didgeridoo hooked up to effects pedal at a bush doof' member of the Shark fami...

Today we're grading the Kingfisher, a bird who I seriously identify with because I'm also short. 🐤 Kingfishers for the most part they have a tighter feather ...

Today we're grading the Killer Whale, probably the smartest apex predator in the ocean. They recognize themselves in the mirror, have complex languages, rout...

Today we're grading the Barracuda. While they never get top billing in people's nightmares, these voracious predators relentlessly maraud the ocean, snapping...

Today we're grading that vulture darling of the Eocene, the California Condor. Now that they're no longer extinct, its a chill life of riding thermals and tr...

Today we're grading a dog that's gone by many other names: Whistling dog, Mountain Wolf, Red Devil, Demon Dog and Hound of Kali. Too bad it didn't get to hav...

Today we're grading the mosquito, The most pandemic inducing insect bug to ever fuck up society as we know it. 🦟 Mosquitoes are extremely pissed to have to b...

Today we are grading the Megamouth Shark, allegedly a super rare deep sea shark with a 'glowing mouth'. But since very little actual proof of Megamouth exist...

Today we're grading the Lynx - an underground legend of team cats. They're ultimate sneaksters who pride themselves on staying the hell away from people. You...

Every aspect of the Giant Deep Sea isoPod Pro is designed in pursuit of performance. Built around a rigid, calcareous exoskeleton, they also possess the abil...

Today we are grading the Red Panda, a teddy bear based mammaloid who's most at home on the tippety top of a mountain, parkouring across tree branches while g...

Today we are grading the Aardwolf - a Hyena that got excommunicated from Hyenas. It's also got a legacy punk rock mohawk which is cool I guess. 🐾 Have you ev...

Today we are grading the Ocelot! Along with the #Jaguarundi #Margay #Oncilla #Kodkod and #FishingCat, The Ocelot is chairman and CEO of the Amazon's Itty Bit...

Today we are grading the Bairds Beaked Whale, AKA Bottlenose Whale! 🐋 🐋 Unlike the attention whore Bottlenose Dolphin, Baird's Beaked Whale keeps an extremel...

oday we are grading the #unstoppable Brown Rat! 🐀 Did you know Brown Rats and all their rodent amigos have self sharpening teeth which they 100% use to chew ...

Today we are grading the Leaf Insect. Back in the day, Antonio Pitafetta, some bro who sailed the 7 seas with Ferdinand "gellin' like a felon" #Magellan, dis...

Today we are grading the Amazon River Dolphin, easily the top #predator in the Amazon river. Their exaggerated #offset design and extended #ultrasonic tonal ...

Today is we are grading the Dik Dik, the little micro antelope of the African savannah! 🦌 Dik Diks get enough water from eating fruits and berries that that ...

Today we are grading the legendary Cassowary, representing for all the old school bird warriors. 🐥 In Cassowary society, guys take care of the babies for 9 m...

Today we are grading the Koala Bear! Any schoolchild can tell you Koala bears have chlamidia, but they also suffer from Koala Retrovirus AKA Koala AIDS! 🐨 🐨 ...

oday we are grading the Horseshoe Bat. These guys have satellite dish style ears so all their echolocation pedal effects are #Bose Quality #audio 🦇 🦇 Do u ea...

Today we are grading the super hot Mako Shark. While most sharks are extremely fucking stupid, Mako Sharks have the biggest brains of any shark. And intellig...

Today we are grading the Duck Billed Platypus, a true legend among animals and one of the last mammals to have real Dino Swag. Did you know that Platypuses a...

Today we're grading the comma. When you learned to read you probably thought humans invented language but answer me this: Which came first? Humans or Butterf...

Today we are grading the treetop parkour legend the #gibbon. Did you know male and female Gibbons are the exact same size? Roughly big enough to neutralize a...

Today we are grading the Leafcutter Bee! They make great pets because you don't have to dress in a HAZMAT suit to change their litter. They also live in bamb...